Goodbye & Goodluck

So yesterday I went out on a date. It sucked, and I was so not interested in the guy. I'm not going to go into details about it, but after the date I was driving back home and thinking to myself, what the hell? I go on so many dates, with guys my type, not my type, I go on dates with guys I don't think will work because I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, taking a chance and all that stupid shit. Needless to say I slumped into some bad single girl blues.

However, before I met up with the date guy, Mr Big had texted me. Mr Big and I are casual, it is just a hook up. He was supposed to come over on Friday and again blew me off, so I stopped talking to him. Sunday morning when I was leaving for my date he texted me "I wanna have sex, right now" and I didn't respond to him. I'm not going to respond to something like that. He sent me more texts because I didn't write him back, "So, should I just come over?" then "??????" and the last one "Ok, guess I'll just come over".

The last one really freaked me out. Even though I wasn't home, I finally wrote back "Don't talk to me like I'm your whore. Go to my house if you want but I won't be there" he wrote me back a couple hours later, filled with apologies and telling me how much of a dick he is and how he wants to see me and make it up to me. Because I think he is cute I let him, because I kind of like him, I let him.

After some texting back and forth he showed up, smelling good and full of apologies. We went to bed and the compliments were different this time, more of how he likes being with me than anything else. We cuddled and talked for awhile and we got on the subject of dating, that I had gone on a bad date today. He asked if I had dated anyone else and I said yes, the cyclist, and then told him that I was only sleeping with him. All the conversation went well and we laughed and he said, "You just tell it how it is don't you?" yeah, I do actually.

After he left, I hopped in the shower, when I got out I grabbed my phone to put on the charge and he texted me

"Kinda awkward"

Moi: "What's awkward?"

Big: "The whole thing..."

Moi: "Can I call you? Are you driving still?"

Big: "Don't call, we can chat tomorrow, gnite"

This is when I get really mad. Don't boss the conversation around, you can't just say something like that to me and then end the conversation.

Moi: "No your going to blow it off. In fact I think now I'm not going to hear from you again, I don't understand what was awkward. What is it that your expecting from me?"

He didn't answer me so I called him... yeah not the best thing to do in retrospect, but at least I didn't demand sex and say I was going to show up at your house. Who's the crazy one now?

Anyway, I said (in a calm neutral tone, of course) something along the lines of:

"I am really just trying to understand what the problem is, you can't just say something like that and expect me not to want an explanation. Look, you did this to me before, and I just don't understand why you make such a big deal after we have sex, and if its going to be like this then save your explanation because I don't think we should see each other anymore"

Then after like 20 minutes he texted me:

"Wow, showing your crazy side, awesome"

Moi: "I'm not being crazy, I want an explanation that's it. You did this last time and I honestly just don't understand"

Moi: "You hurt my feelings. I get defensive"

Such an asshole. This morning I was on the phone with A telling her what happened. She is saying game playing, but I just don't see that from this guy. He doesn't seem suave enough to play the game, but who really knows. What I know is that either way I don't want to see him again. While I was talking he sent me a text:

"So, all in all, I did contact you today, I didn't blow you off. Outcome is this: its over, done, goodbye, goodluck."

Of course he didn't explain the awkward comment. Besides I ended things first. I wrote him back that "it is what it is, and its unfortunate it went down like that." I'm sad though. I didn't want to fight with Mr Big. It was supposed to be simple. Well, I have learned that nothing is ever simple when sex is involved. I was so good at being detached before with him, but I don't know why now I'm not. It may be a combination of the bad date, single girl blues, and him, the impact of all at one time is overwhelming.

I liked Mr Big. I think if we would have started with dating, things would have gone well. I think thats what is making me upset. What could have been. I thought I killed that kind of daydreaming when I got over Dan, but apparently not.