These Dreams

I can't believe I'm going to use the track name of one of my favorite 80's bands for this post, but it just makes sense... I might as well play some Heart on the iTunes, on a side note Heart's "Alone" is my token karaoke song, if I ever do karaoke. For now I'll settle for singing loudly and badly to them while cleaning my house. My neighbors probably hate me.

Anyway...

Last night I had a dream about the Firefighter. I swear to the powers that be, if I could choke my subconscious, I would. If my subconscious were a physical person, I would five-point palm exploding heart technique its ass. Just like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

Because this wasn't just a normal dream. It was a sex dream.

Everyone has sex dreams, so there is no shame in my game admitting it here, however usually mine are Samantha Jones worthy, the stuff of great sluttyness. I wake up and think "Man, I'm jealous of my sleeping around, while I'm SLEEPING!"... This was on a totally different wavelength.

It wasn't so much about the act of sex, but more about some kind of intimate connecting with each other, bleh! BLEH! BLEH!!!! Whatever!!! Maybe my subconscious doesn't want to whore around anymore, I really don't know, but that kind of dream is unacceptable. The firefighter and I never even had sex!

I really hated the tone of the entire dream to be honest. It was about being with him. Us two, going the same speed, and in the same direction. You know, those things I don't have anymore and currently lack the drive to go out and find again.

I woke up with a "Well that sucks" and got ready for work. Yes, it would have been nice to rollover and him there, but things didn't work out like that for us. I keep repeating to myself that above his possible lies, that he was a coward. Most importantly, when I did text him in January he wrote me back about being really sick. During those 3 days when I initiated texts asking how he was, he never ONCE asked me how I was doing or what I was up to, even when he was better and back at work. Obviously, he didn't care.

I'm to a point now that I would absolutely relish in accidently running into him just so I could be a bitch. Just so I could ask "Huh, I thought you were moving to Seal Beach?" and hear his stupid explanation. Its what I want, but I don't need it.

I hope some of this will sink into my dreamstate and I'll go back to meaningless dream sex. As it should be.