I've Got The Love

Today's yoga sculpt was the third class this week with my favorite instructor, nickname Boo-boo. In an effort not to be fat, and utilize my expensive yoga membership, I have been kicking my yoga attendance into gear. Also because its something I loved, and love was lost after my car accident.

Trying to feel the love. Its there. I found out tonight that its there with open arms. Boo-boo knows my name now, and gave me crap on Monday cause I pulled a disappearing act when my back was in spasm mode.

"GIRL!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???"

I love it.

On Wednesday while towards the end of our last cardio set, switching between heel taps, football runs, high knees, and running in place, he stepped behind my mat and ran with me, yelling to dig deep. I also started talking to a girl who was set up next to me.

Tonight it was so fucking hot in class I could feel my skin cells commit suicide, I swear that must have been what was happening. Getting into a horse (sumo) squat I wanted to cry from heat exhaustion. These classes are usually set at start temp of 90-95F, with a jam packed class, full of bodies giving off heat, it can easily get to 110F. Humidity, forget about it. Completely ridiculous.

However, I chatted with a girl new to the class, and the girl from Wednesday came and set up next to the new girl I was talking with. I had to leave during class as not to cry in front of people and started chatting with a yoga newbie. He was flaming gay, and introduced himself to me. We then gave each other sweaty high fives as we went back into class. I'm hoping I see him again because I have been looking for a gay boyfriend. You would think with me living so close to San Diego's gay neighborhood, Hillcrest, that I would have several by now.

After class, the new girl, the wednesday girl, and I stuck around and chatted about instructors we like and how to survive the class without throwing up. I think I will be seeing them around and I am happy about making some new yoga friends. Its what I need.

Besides kicking up my yoga, I have been getting back into my healthy eating ways. I don't eat bad on a given day, but I will say I did slide into comfort foods more times than I am comfortable with this last year.

I want to be strong. I've been acting like a sissy bitch since the car accident. The injury is there, pain from it is real, but it shouldn't hinder me from being my best me. That's an excuse. I'm uncomfortable in my skin now, that needs to change.

I don't want to look back on this year and see it as a complete waste of time. I don't want to go "quietly in the night" sulking from a year full of depression, physical therapy and recovery; fuck that noise. I want to find who I was before I was hit, physically from that vehicle, and emotionally from that man... She was something.