How to Disappear Completely

I had an appraisal of the house done. It was pricy, but I feel that I will easily recoup the cost with the adjusted market value of the home. Miles and I had discussed a range of $45-50k to buy out my portion, but I told him that I wanted an official appraisal done that I would pay for to determine a fair price, based on the recent homes that have sold, I think I am shorting myself almost $20k. Miles wants me to sign over the deed this weekend, and I told him I'm not signing shit until I have my money. I think I have told him this like 4 times now and he keeps telling me the loan officer wants me to sign. Like bro, I was not born yesterday and I don't trust anyone, especially not with that much money on the line. 

We have spoken about the timeline for me moving out or doing whatever. Miles stated that I don't need to leave, I can stay as long as I want and we would continue finances as they are right now. I am having surgery in June, so I was considering staying until that point and am recovered, but I don't know. I will probably stay until that point unless things get uncomfortable. 

I feel a tidal wave of grief to be honest. I lived in different apartments during my 9 years in San Diego, I think this house, my house, is the longest placed I've consecutively lived since I lived with my parents. I can take my time to find the perfect apartment here, but I just... I don't know. Emotionally I feel so lost and sad, it's overwhelming. I know what to do, of course. I can navigate through finding a place and doing all the things that need to be done to move. 

I know the whole "fresh start" and all that shit, and of course I am doing what is best for me. I definitely need to leave, and want to leave. I'm just sad. Leaving my house is sad. I'm also angry and bitter, and perhaps jealous. Miles "gets" the house. He can afford to buy me out. 

I won't even talk about all the jobs I've applied for in the last month because things will really take a down turn from here. Next post!