About 99% of the time I know I am better off single. Generally speaking... I think. See, there's that 1%.
Is there really a person out there that can be my teammate? Is that just a dream, just a silly little fantasy?
I feel good single, because I know who I am and I do what I want. I also function well in relationships. Good relationships. Relationships where I'm happy and the relationship is being taken care of.
A lot of people seem to be married and getting engaged, at least people I know. I don't see much about divorce on my timeline, or know many people that are getting divorced. I know it happens, and it may not be something that people talk about.*
I'm just jealous, and I really wish I wasn't. I even see something like that, and physically shrug and say "huh" and move along. Sometimes I just X off that tab, or close my computer and do something else.
So, how do you not feel jealous about those things? Is there a way to just feel happy for someone and not be thinking "why I am still ..."?
For some things I have found that staying off social media and really, just minding my own business and doing things I needed to do around the house, helped a lot for one particular thing. The days I'm happiest are the days I'm so busy that I'm not looking at my phone or other things. I'm running errands, gymming, finishing projects, etc.
I guess I could not be single if I tried to date more, but ugh.
To not end this on a Bitter Betty note... TNR'd the mama cat last week, and one of her babies. There are 2 more kittens that need to be fixed. I wonder if since they have seen the trap in action we will be able to catch them. Doing my part to keep the stray and homeless cat population down. Those kittens are the cutest too.
*I should add the disclaimer that this jealous feeling is more towards people I know on Facebook who I 'know' IRL, but don't really keep in contact with. Highlight reels, gotta love them *eyeroll*. Other people I know, or the few Bloggesses that I read, I do not feel that way.
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I'm mostly dead inside anyway
Who
- Danielle
- SD to SATX, Texas, United States
- A childfree atheist cat mom living in Texas with a "valley girl" accent for life. I'm westcoast forever in my heart, but not my wallet. I spill my secret thoughts and feelings on this site, maybe I'll learn something one day.
I don't know what it is like to not have deep emotions. Even when I feel nothing, I feel it completely.
Sylvia Plath
Sylvia Plath
Music in my ears
- Sufjan Stevens - Call Me By Your Name OST
- Interstellar OST
- FKA Twigs - MAGDALENE
- Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
3 comments:
Being single for awhile is likely the way to go. The situation with Miles is still pretty fresh, plus a bit complicated with the ongoing cohabitation. Plus, you say you're feeling good single most of the time, and that's a pretty awesome feeling. Enjoy it - you know those pangs about finding someone and missing things are normal, and if they're just occasional pangs and not a constant longing - you're doing well on your own. :)
the 1% is a bugger - i mostly feel the same.
We're so selective about what we show on social media, right? I do wish people were more open and vulnerable about the bad stuff (without grossly oversharing). It's so easy to feel bad about yourself in so many ways for things you normally would not.
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