Where Should We Begin?

Have you listened to the podcast "Where Should We Begin?" with Ester Perel?  I'm obsessed with it.  It's on Audible, and they do have an app.  I wished it was on iTunes, so I wouldn't have to download another app, but I do have the largest GB sized iPhone now, so it's not like I'm lacking space.  I just hate having like 3-4 pages of apps.

Anyway, it's therapy sessions, all anonymous, that are recorded. Obviously not the entire session.  Perel is different where she only does 1 session with a couple, and suggests for them to write her a follow up letter.  It's an intense session, possibly hours long.  As someone who went through hours of couples therapy, I learned a lot.  About the relationship and myself.

A few of the things she talks about, I remember talking about during therapy as well, or being asked about I should say.  I think it's a great idea for couples to engage in therapy before they are married, and after they are married.  You learn a lot.  At least, now I think that.  I remember living in San Diego and a coworker was getting married and during the engagement they went to couples therapy and someone asked him why.  Like, if they were having problems already or something.

Now that I've been exposed to therapy, and therapists (Miles' parents, and ours), I can see how the stigma hinders people.  It's like you have to have a problem in order to go to therapy.  And yes, Miles and I didn't start therapy until we were having problems, or were dissatisfied in the relationship.  I see it now that the couple I was talking about above went as a preventative measure, and to help their relationship before things possibly took a wrong turn.

Rabbit and I were discussing therapy and I said "maybe a mental check up should be something people do, just like their yearly physical".  Rabbit was quick to say that there is no reason he would go to therapy and he doesn't need it.  Okay, maybe that is true, and if you don't need it, would talking to someone for like 45 minutes once a year really be much of a hinderance?  Even if you don't have any mental issues, you could talk about things that are currently stressing you out.

I'm thinking I should start therapy with someone for a little bit.  I was thinking about trying Talkspace, but I can't use my HSA for it, and I have a HDHP, so that's out.  I think I have like $1700 left to reach my deductible for this plan year (my company typical renews in July, but is now going to traditional Jan-Dec so this year is short).... Although, I could do Talkspace for a short time, a month or two, then next year when my deductible starts over I could start traditional in person therapy.

I just have a lot of anger.  I want to figure out how to get over being angry at Miles and more importantly myself.  Like, the loss of the relationship is whatever, I don't feel longing for that anymore.  It's hard living together, but we do have our separate spaces.  I'm just angry about uprooting my life all for naught.  I knew this was a possibility, but I guess for once in my life I was being optimistic about it.

Anyway, no risk for optimism in the near future!!  At least dating wise.  Maybe life wise as well, with the current political state -____-.  Job wise maybe, but only because I'm working on a new work cert that should open up some new possibilities, and I'm back in school starting in September.  I'm about to be quite busy.  I welcome it.