A Mish-Mash, Mushrooms, and Poolside Dreamin'

I started my application for the Masters of Social Work program.  I am not sure about it, I mean, I am sure about it, and then I remember how much I don't really like people, then I'm like ehhhhhhh is this really the path on want to get on??  And then I encounter people that I want to fucking strangle and then I'm like, hmmm, maybe social work is not it girl.  And this is where my therapist says "this is your challenge, it's where your growth happens".  Ugh.

I am feeling kind of fed up with everything in general right now.  I'm very bored with my job, but realized I'm also comfortable, although I wish I made more money.  I see layoffs coming in the future, although it's already been in the news that health insurance premiums will rise next year, that doesn't mean my job is secure.  They are automating more and more, and so far, when there is a little problem they have to turn automation off and have us do things the old way. 

However, my company partnered with the large electronic health record system Epic last year, and now we are linking more facilities, got an email this week about 8 facilities that are now electronic access.  My work will directly be impacted, so this is why I see potential layoffs again at the end of Q3 or beginning Q4.  I am just like "whatever" at this point.  I am one of the top performers, so I am not *that* worried, but who knows. 

I am also like, okay do I want to try and start applying for a bunch of positions when I start a graduate program?  Also, learning a new job while juggling school?  I don't know.  Also, it might be possible for me to shadow and earn clinical hours with my regions social workers, so I want to keep that access. 

I like my company, even though I believe that insurance is a fucking joke, and is literally evil as fuck.  Good benefits though.  I mean, high as fuck deductible aside, the employee benefits are great.  They paid for the last years of my schooling, I shelled out $750 total to finish my degree.  Every year I get a fresh 5k to spend on education.  As someone who believes in life long learning, this is a great benefit for me. 

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I've been dreaming about living in one of those tuna can "luxury" apartments lately.  I think they refer to them as luxury here because they have balcony's. Who the fuck cares.  There are so many mosquitos outside, you can't sit out on a balcony anyway.  I want an apartment with a garden tub, no fucking exceptions. 

I love my house, I've said it a thousand times, but the bathtub is small as hell and I cannot stand Miles.  He wants so much from me, and when I say "so much" he wants to spend time with me and do things and I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.  Bro, I don't want to hang out with you, you're probably the reason I have anger issues lately and feel like not doing anything with my fucking life.  Get friends that are NOT ME. 

Speaking of, I think I am going to join a Meetup bookclub.  Although, I don't want to meet up with anyone, you know, corona virus and all that jazz.  However, once people can meet up, then I think I would enjoy that.  I've completed 27/50 books so far, working on #28, Final Girls by Riley Sager, and I'm slogging through the audiobook, I really do not like it so far, or maybe I just don't like the person reading it?? Either way, it seems like a novice attempt at a thriller at best.  I am going to give it tomorrow, and may just DNR it then. 

I would really like to get high I think, but it seems like the resin in my OG Kush cartridge has dried up??? I didn't know that was possible, but it looks like its hard amber, the bubble doesn't move at all.  I still have flower, but I really don't care for the strain, and it always burns my throat when I smoke anyway.  I have edibles, but that shit takes forever to kick in, and I always take too much.  No matter what, the small conservative amount is always too much. 

I'm thinking about getting into mycology.  Perhaps a bit of mushroom wisdom can help me see the path ahead.  And yes, I would need to become a fungi scientist for this, as I don't know anyone here where I could trust to buy mushrooms from.  That guy I was talking to (who ghosted me after 3 weeks) on Tinder was into shrooms, but obviously that is not an option anymore.  As normal, I guess I will have to do it all myself. 

And to conclude a very random post, I would really like to go swimming right now.