What's Up Buttercup?

I love the "Ber" months: September, October, November and December.  Texas doesn't really cool down until October, but sometimes we get a surprise cold front at the end of September, and what a treat.  That has happened this year, and it's been really nice.  

Miles and the goddess are bringing me down occasionally, but I have been working on journaling and redirecting my thoughts in this regard.  They are being so shitty, she has a boyfriend.  But you know what, not my problem.

Little Louis has been an exercise in patience, and I'm really trying to not lose it.  He wakes me up almost everyday at 4AM by kneading on my hip or side, it's really frustrating.  Miles does not seem able to keep the same patience, and I think about how soon/eventually/sometime we will be separating our lives and I will not be around Louis anymore... it makes me really sad.  I might request to keep him, but I doubt Miles would agree.  I know I will get over it, but he is just a little sweetface (and sometimes a little shit).  

Anyway, my biggest news is that I got a new position at work!!  I am saved from the layoff drama, what a relief!  I also got a 13% pay increase, and it seems that the department mentors and encourages their people to reach goals and move up in their careers.  My department does not... Unless you are a nurse.  They treat our admin's like we are idiots, but I have yet to receive an IM from a nurse that is able to type a full sentence.  But okay.  Again, not my problem... At least not for that much longer

My birthday was in September and it was pretty good, Miles and I just chilled, got a smorgasbord of Mexican food, and watched Homeland.  Miles also bought a chocolate tuxedo mousse cake from Costco per my direction.  I wasn't sure about a dessert because I was not really craving anything at all, but I knew that cake was delicious and freezes well.  

I actually received a card and small gift card from my mom, which is the first time I've heard from her this year.  I really wasn't expecting anything at all, and that's fine at this point, the usual.  But, I used that and a gift card from my friend and bought myself a dashcam, I don't drive much, but I almost get hit every time I do go out.  I have grey Prius, the regular size and I think people just don't notice me, this does happen often with bigger trucks, but there are just really shitty drivers here.  My next car will be WHITE.  

I also got myself a couple pairs of New Balance 574's, but I am still seeking the rose twilight editions, ugh, they are so great.  For some reason I can't upload the photo, oh well.  Towards the end of my birthday weekend I decorated for Halloween... things are up, but I am not sure I am feeling it as much, it seems like this year is flying, but dragging.  I think those feelings always come up this time of the year.

Lastly, my best friend had her baby early! I am so happy for her, and that her and the little baby girl are healthy.  I didn't get to see her her entire pregnancy because of coronavirus.  Miles is a high risk being a nurse, and since I live with him, and she was in a high risk pregnancy, it just is what it is.  I'm not sure I will be able to visit before the end of the year, but we will see.

It did get me thinking though.  Life is short.  What do I want for my life?  I have been thinking about this a lot lately, what do I want, what do I really want?  What I don't want are these feelings of jealously and grief every time Miles is out with the goddess, I shouldn't even know about these things, shouldn't... Should and shouldn't are a slippery slope.