The Thunder Rolls

Nothing like being woken up at the earliest morning hours to thunder cracking so loud that it shakes your bones. Texas storms are certainly something else. I have never experienced living somewhere that has so many thunder and lightening storms. Because of this, my internet was out until 1PM today. Which means I was not working this morning, and had to use my PTO to cover my hours. I am annoyed because I would have at least considered going into the office, but since my department is based out of Green Bay, they don't seem to have any connections with my local SA office and where I could work. It would have been kinda nice to at least see other people I think. 

I love working from home too much to ever go back to the office full time, and I'm very grateful I've been FT WFH since basically starting this job, but I do miss office socializing sometimes. Okay, mostly just when someone says something stupid and you and your work bestie make eye contact and know exactly what each other is thinking. Good times. 

Anyway. I didn't get the job I applied for, but it was only 1 position that I have applied to anyway. I'm in week 7 of my last class for the year, after this is when I will really start looking with gusto. I've been getting B's for these last few classes and I'm annoying myself. I'm typically an A student, but I really fucked myself taking on overlapping classes the way I did. It's too much stress and my grades slipped because of it. Not that I am going to beat myself up over B's, but there may come interest down the line to complete a degree in public health, perhaps a MPH, and I want to ensure I don't have any issues with getting accepted into a program. I just want the option, I am not sure I will take it. I'm pretty burnt out on education. 

Besides, I have also used the excuse of school to not work on myself, which takes priority. 

Anyways. Lets talk about my latest finds and favorites, because I don't have any dating updates. Although I got a sad pang for the rapport I shared with the professor the other day, but I think I am just missing a supportive voice in my life. 

TV - I have to talk about this. Scenes From A Marriage. THE TOXIC NERVE OF THESE ACTORS. God, they are so good. Like all the chefs kisses good. Oscar Isaac is like, bruh, so fucking fine. SO FINE. My god, just, steal all the air from my lungs attractiveness. It's a 5 episode mini series on HBOMax and so worth watching. Yes, I found the first episode hard to get through, it's very slow paced; but the 2nd episode broke my heart, just pain that came from such a deep wound inside of me. I don't know another way to explain the hurt I felt watching it. Honestly, after watching this show, I don't think I ever want to be in a relationship again. 

I also watched Dune, I liked it. Murders in the Building on Hulu is a good time. I know the first episode of the last season of Insecure is out, but I think I might just watch and binge the series. Not sure yet. 

Books - my true love lately. So I had a goal of reading 30 books this year, and I am at 63.... Go me. So I have read all but 1 book in the Ice Planet Barbarian Series, and I have finished book 12 of the spin off Ice Planet series, both by Ruby Dixon. That's all that's on audiobook format, which is how I've managed to complete classes, work full time and read as much as I have this year. I also started Dixon's Fireblood series, which is associated with the Ice Plant world, loosely, but what happens on earth. Yes, they are romance books, and kinda campy, but they are a good time. I feel as though she put more plot and development in the Fireblood series than IPB, but I have fun either way.  

However, my favorite book for October was easily The Love Hypothesis, romance in academia? Yes please. And if you ask if I am disassociating in my life through romance novels, the answer is yes. The writing was smart, and pretty funny, I really enjoyed the characters. Now that I'm putting things together, I seem to really like the sunshine x grumpy trope. Maybe because I like my men brooding? I don't know why that would be, because I'm usually the broody type. Oh well.

This book did kind of remind me of the Professor. Academic vibes. I felt a bit, hmm, I wouldn't say sad, more disappointed energy after finishing it, but moved forward as per usual. 

That's kind it. I haven't been watching much else on TV or the movie front. I would like to see The Last Duel, but it's only out in theaters, so IDK about that. I don't think I'd have an issue sitting the theater with a mask on, it's just kinda annoying now that they started allowing "premium rentals" online. I much prefer the quiet comfort of being at home, and you can pause to break for the bathroom, and I don't hear people coughing or chewing loudly. 

Lastly, I stopped taking my anti-depressants a month or so ago, and truthfully, I feel better than I did when I was on them. Oh wait. Now that I think about it, I believe Wellbutrin has a side effect of increasing suicidal thoughts, and while there wasn't a time where I was actively planning on unaliving myself, I certainly felt like I didn't want to live anymore. I am not feeling that way anymore, and actually have the urge to engage in activities and hobbies, cook nice meals and move my body, instead of being a slug. I couldn't get myself to do anything for the last few months, nothing. I wasn't happy about anything. How interesting, connecting the dots now. Well, won't be going back on Wellbutrin, that's for sure. I think it really helped for a few months, but is not a long term option for me. 

And a follow up from my last post, returning my new mattress. It is really comfortable, but too soft without being supportive. My old mattress was better, but just too firm. I really feel like Goldilocks lately. I ordered a nice mattress topper, I've been through a few so far, and generally they end up in the trash because 1) too thick 2) and they breakdown and get too soft, causing sinkage. This time I ordered a 2 inch latex one instead of gel memory foam. I am hoping it is better, I just need a little extra softness and I am hoping I will sleep much better.  

I ended up ordering an Avocado mattress topper, very expensive, but not as pricy as the mattress I bought. However, I found the same kind of mattress topper on Amazon for half the price. I will try the topper for 30 days, and see if I want to return and buy the "generic" brand instead. I feel like I make things hard on myself for not doing more research, even though I was looking into non-memory foam toppers for a while. I just didn't think to look on Amazon. 

Anyway, 2 papers left to write and I'm finished with this class. Let me get on that so I can continue applying for jobs and ready smutty books. Happy Halloween all!