First Date #??? (Halloween Traditions Pt 2)

I wanted a separate post for this because I think I've achieved all my goals this year, even dating. 

This guy is older by 8 years, from Northern California, a tattoo artist who moved here about 9 months ago. I feel that he is a little boisterous, but known in the industry, so I think that just comes with the territory. He is always referring to himself as an old timer, and doesn't really like younger artists, which is understandable. There is a lot of fuckery in the industry it seems. 

Anyway, he has sent me photos of work he has done, and it's really cool, his work is quite rad and well done. Mostly traditional style, which is a style I prefer, but he does pretty much everything. We planned to go to a burger place, but got there and found out it closed early for Halloween. So, we went to a burrito spot, had some good food and conversation. He paid, no question. Opened all the doors for me, got anything we needed from inside. We went to the parking lot to continue talking and ended up making out a bit, which is fast for me.... is it, I mean I slept with the Professor right away, but hey, I'm not trying to make the same mistakes alright?!

Anyway, he said he wanted to see me again, I agreed and we had dinner on Thursday near the studio he works at. During that time, he was in contact with me, texting or calling when available. For him, most of his clients have headphones in, and he had his headphones, so can talk to me when tattooing, although I don't believe I've talked to him while he was tattooing someone. And as much as I like someone, I am not interested in talking to someone 24/7. I am alone, not lonely. Plus I just moved, I have a ton of unpacking to do. 

Anyway, Thursday comes around and we have a quick dinner at a pizza place, in a booth, sitting next to each other. I allow hand holding, and some kissing, but not making out. He reaches his arm around and touches the back of my neck or shoulder. Again, he pays for everything, gets a box to go, gives me the remainder of the food, although I didn't ask. Opens doors for me, walks me to my car, and things get a little heavy in the parking lot. More than I like, as I really hate PDA. Like, light touching in the restaurant is okay, but I don't like heavy kissing in a parking lot. I am 40, he is almost 50, that is a young persons game. 

Friday's and Saturday's are his busy days, and we have breakfast planned for Sunday. We go to one of my favorite places in the city, a little breakfast dive essentially, and it's great. We have good conversation, although I am not much of a morning talker. He walks me to my car, as we are going to go to an antique store (his plan), breakfast and antiquing! Is this my perfect man? Again, he is getting heavy with the making out in the parking lot, and I am like bro, this is not it. Like, yeah, it's a parking lot across the street, but still. I am uncomfortable. I tell him to chill and he does, we drop his car off at the shop and go to get coffee and then the antique place.

The whole time I am driving, he's touching my leg, like inner thigh, holding my hand, caressing my arm, playing with my neck, it's just a lot, but not terrible. We go to Dutch Bros and the line is really long. The whole time he is trying to make out with me in the drive through line, touching my neck and shoulders saying how he wants to kiss me there with no clothes on, running his fingers through my hair, like, just stuff that I am not uncomfortable with in general, but that I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH in the fucking DRIVE THRU LINE. 

Then the antique place isn't open for another hour and a half, as it's daylight savings and I had the wrong time on my car clock. I told him I needed to run an errand to Home Depot, if he didn't mind, and he didn't, so we went there and then I took him back to his car. 

I told him when we talked later that day that I am scared that we are moving too fast, like bro, you would think it's been a few weeks, but no, it's been like a week and a half and he told me that he wants me, in and out of the bedroom, like "I want to fuck you, but I want to do other things with you as well, like go to flea markets and cook with you", asked what I wanted for Christmas (bro what--okay it was a hypothetical question, but still), offered to help me with unpacking, told me he deleted his Tinder, just like pushing too fast. He says to me "do you trust me?" and "do you think I am just going to fuck you and you never hear from me again?" and "If I was just trying to fuck you I would have given up because you are too much work, I really like you and want to be with you". Like, okay swooooon. Are you trying to make me feel special because it's been 10 days and I haven't fucked you? Amateur hour babes. 

I told him when we were on the phone that he has all the qualities I am looking for, because at the end of the day he does. We are very compatible, have many similar interests and worldviews, and understand each other quite well and that is kind of scary for me, and he says "oh that's so terrible" and I was like, you know what, I am trying to be honest with you about how I am feeling and you are dismissing me about it. Furthermore, you are love bombing me, or attempting to, and it is an extreme turn off and if you were just being fucking chill about stuff, I would be all over your dick at this point, but no. You are being so extreme trying to appeal to me, and it's doing the opposite. Like for real, go out and find a woman with no self esteem to fuck around with because I am not the one. 

I am like really trying to not be a dick about it, but I was thinking about it a lot last night and I told my friend this morning I was going to block him and she was surprised because everything seemed really well, and it did, but if you cannot respect my simple boundary, then I am not interested. I feel really bad to just block/ghost someone, but I am thinking he is probably a narcissist and the love bombing is just the beginning. 

I didn't block him, or I did for a bit, then felt like a monster, and told my friend that I would tell him that I want to slow down big time and not see him until the weekend and see what happens. If he cannot respect the boundary, then done. However, I don't know that's even a good idea anyway. He doesn't know where I live, and won't know either if things keep going how it's going. 

It seems like after all this ranting you would say "just block him", and I would agree because I am only highlighting the bad stuff, and maybe that's all that I needed to do in order to be sound with my decision as well, but I don't know. He told me that he is not good with being alone, but I am also not a babysitter for you. I have my own shit going on. If the PDA wasn't so intense, I don't think I would be so bothered, but then I remember the love bombing, which I don't really take any stock in--like future talk, I don't take that shit seriously, but I have to remember that he does, and he says it to try and lure me (or other women) in, but I'm not a regular fish dude.

I replied to his text message this morning pretty late, and then didn't respond back to another, so I think he knows. I asked him a question, and he never responded to me, so maybe this will just fizzle out. Wow, I am not a coward and will tell him that this is just too much for me, but yeah. My friend told me something that I really didn't think about before, and I feel like kind of dumb that I didn't think about this before, which is "you don't have to like him just because he likes you" and I feel like as someone who has grown up fat, there is this trauma of just "taking what you can get", which is so gross. I've been fat forever, I was a chubbier kid, I've always been bigger, so I would say this is absolutely true. If you compound this with my other abandonment trauma, this dude should have me in his thrall. I don't think I am "above it", but I think I'm aware enough to look out for game, and above everything else, always protect myself because others haven't, including caretakers and parents. 

One thing I will never compromise on is my safety, and the safety of my cats. Period. I do not/have not felt unsafe with him, but I do wonder if that could change. 

This is not a Halloween tradition I would like to keep. Hocus Pocus please.