Good n' Gruene

What can I say about this date, other than that it was really good, and then not as good... 

If you look up photos of historic Gruene, Texas, then you have an idea of how cute the area was.  While you are at it, look up photos of the restaurant The Gristmill, because that is where Robin Hood took me for our fourth date.  It's an old mill with wide glossy plank wood floors, glass walls to get all the views available of the oak trees and river below, giant fireplaces with a roaring fire in all of them.  Just so perfect.

Robin said that they open the glass door walls when the weather is nice, and I was like wow.  That would be an experience.  The food was good, but kind of like your standard chain restaurant faire.  We shared ribs, I normally do not go for ribs, but they were very good, fall off the bone, can eat with a fork yumminess.

Anyway, the conversation on the drive up and while at the restaurant was good, but not great.  He shares a lot about himself, but the problem I'm seeing is that he doesn't ask much about me.  Things I talked about in therapy come to the front of my mind, and I wait to see if he is going to ask about me, get to know me, and sometimes he does, but it's late.  Almost out of politeness, or maybe it's just male mindlessness and forgetting to ask, I don't know.  But I've noticed that he isn't super curious about me.  Curious, yeah sure, but not enthusiastically so. 

However, he is affectionate, and not in just a sexual way.  He holds my hand when he drives, sometimes kissing the back of it, or rubs my arm.  In traffic, he puts his hand on the back of my neck and gives me a little massage, or swirls his fingers in my hair.  When we were waiting at the restaurant, he holds my hand or rubs my fingers, asking about various scars, rubs my upper arms, or sits his hand on my leg.  His love language, or how he expresses it is obviously affection.

After we eat lunch, we walk around the local antique stores and open market area.  It was fun to walk around with him and flirt, or brush my booty against him, hold hands walking around the open market.  I'm enjoying being in that limbo of we haven't had sex, but I'm excited to get you in bed soon, that little thrill of anticipation.

On the way back to San Antonio, I brought up more serious shit.  I had more questions about polyamory, what his relationship needs are, made clear what mine are, just kind of talked about what we want out of a relationship.  He told me that he didn't have any relationship needs (okay, whatever).  Everyone has needs, him not being able to identify them kind of concerns me, because if he is looking for his primary partner but doesn't actually know what he wants in a primary partner, and you are poly...  Okay, so you just want to float aimlessly?  These are opposing objectives.

Look, you're 42 and a divorcee, you have relationship needs that your previous partners didn't meet, so for fucks sake, take time to figure them out before you crash into someones life.  He also said that because he travels a lot for work it "isn't fair for him to expect to be all his partners needs".  The way he said it was that he might want to meet all his partners needs, but understands if his serious committed partner has a boyfriend to meet the needs he cannot while he is away for work.  How would you even know?  You can still contribute to a relationship when you travel for work.  This sounds more like an avoidant strategy to me. 

I told him that I need more communication from him, he was in Atlanta for work this last week and I barely heard from him.  Try harder.  I also told him that if I were going to be involved with him, then I could only explore us as something serious, not something casual.  We can continue to date to see if we have something between us that could last, but I would have to be treated with that priority.  Honestly, it sounds kind of weird, also way early to demand that, and I don't know if I can make that demand, but oh fucking well.  I said what I said.

I mean, he is planning things in the future, he told me that he sees me being invited to his game nights with friends "very" soon, and also having a more serious conversation with his Austin girlfriend about me as well.  Which is great, but then he told me that he worries about our compatibility.  Our life values are very compatible, pretty much the same.  He says that I am not as nerdy as the other girls he normally dates.

"You're not into geeky things, or Star Wars, or board games"

Really? What the fuck.

Moi: "Ummm, I'm into nerdy shit, but it's just different from your nerdy shit.  I also like to play board games--we haven't played yet, I assumed that eventually we would have a game night date, but if that is seriously something you are holding against me to not date me, then okay"
RH: "That's not what I'm saying.  You're different than other girls I've dated... I've dated girls with all my same interests and it hasn't worked, so I'm trying something different."

Okay, so are you complaining that I'm different, or do you like me being different?  It's not hard to get to know me and my interests.  Ask questions, maybe that would help.  When we pulled up at his house, I was kind of annoyed and when I put my jacket back in my car, I wanted to ask if I should just leave.  I didn't, as I still wanted to discuss things a bit more before just throwing in the towel.  Not because I wanted to over talk things to death, but I don't know.  I think I just really wanted to fuck him.  To be completely real, that's it.  How's your bedroom skills?  Will a learning curve be worth it if you can fuck me real good?  Maybe.

I put my things down and he showed me his backyard, last time I was at his house it was dark, so I couldn't see anything.  He showed me the cabinets he built onto the side of his house, his new shed, and the storage items he has built inside the shed, it was pretty cool.

We kissed and touched and finally made our way to his bedroom.  I'm so glad I wore my new bra and underwear, a long line baby pink bra with black polka dots and lace overlays.  Matching underwear (which NEVER HAPPENS!).  Look, our make out session from the last date was fucking hot.  I was into it, I was ready for more of that, but including his dick.

I know the first time with someone new is rarely good, and this was no exception.  It was alright, eh.  Look, I'm not hard to please, I feel like I'm pretty standard when it comes to sex, but what the fuck.  He even fucked me in one of my top favorite positions, but came so quickly, I was annoyed.  There was a good amount of foreplay, and he went down on me like three times, but he's just not that great at it, and I will tell a man what I want.  Exactly what I want.  Then he would do it for a few moments, then go back to what he was doing and I'm like dude.  What the fuck?  I told you exactly what you need to do, but you really want to earn this L.

Honestly, a guy that likes to give oral and can't make me come, I don't know bro.  He needs some serious fucking training.  Literally "fucking training".  Our sexual compatibility is high, meaning we are interested in the same things, but I think this session just really missed the mark.  LUCKILY he asked me about things I am into and open to doing in bed, which is great.  Honestly, the most curious he has been with me is sexually, which okay, he is a male, but I have some suspicions.

Afterwards we laid around with each other, touching and being intimate.  I thought about the qualities he meets for me in a partner, and hey, maybe I can find a second boyfriend that really dicks me down so I don't feel like I'm missing anything, but eh.  I don't know.  It takes a lot to even find one decent guy.

And that's what is so annoying, Robin is a good guy, has his fucking shit together, is confident in his actions, polite, romantic, is protective and I feel safe when I'm with him, but how the fuck does he have all these bitches when he is just not serving that good dick?  I DON'T FUCKING GET IT.  Does his girlfriend and friends with benefits think the same I do?  Like they put up with the mediocre sex because he is a good person?  Was it just first time bad sex??  Fuck if I know.

You know what tho.  Usually I fuck myself over whenever I have sex with a guy, I get too attached, but this, nope.  I felt a happy-neutral later that night when I was at home.  I woke up feeling quite neutral and kind of resolved, I haven't heard from him today (it's only the next day), and I wonder if it's because he feels the same way.  I think if he ghosted me at this point, I'd feel a slight sting of rejection, but I'd get over it relatively quickly.  It could also possibly be my PMDD, because I'm raging at any man talking to me today and I'm sick of everything, so who knows really.

We do have plans to make dinner together on Tuesday night, so we'll see if that actually happens.  I'm really not interested in dating him for potential though, show me now this is worth my time.  The polyamory thing is a big check in the negative column, even though I can see the positives of ethical non-monogamy.  I'm just getting mixed messages if he is actually interested in me, or interested in just fucking me.  I'm hedging my bets and thinking this guy may not be at the same place I'm at, and I'm not going to wait around for him to catch up with me.  Not again.