Sherwood Forest

On our third date, I went to Robin Hood's house.  I mean, there's the stereotype of a third date, but I was not ready for that, at all.  My body was, but mentally, I am not there.  And that's okay.  We were only planning on watching Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog because he says it's the best thing Joss Whedon has created (he is wrong, because Buffy, duh). 

Let me just say this, his house is very cute on the outside, and the inside is so interesting!  I was pleasantly surprised to see how well it was decorated with nerd paraphernalia, interesting art based on the movies he likes, nice bookcases filled with board and card games, everything clean, organized, immaculate.  He had handmade items integrated into the decor, and also.... he has a knit throw blanket of the map of Lord of the Rings mounted and hung on the wall.  He made the wooden mount himself.  I was hella into it!!

I have never been to a guys house that was so, I don't know, appreciated maybe?  Or like a guy that has made the time to make himself a home, in the sense of the word that women use to decorate and make things comfy and to their liking, it was a home.  I told him I loved his space a lot and asked about all his art pieces; I also met his roommate and a friend of hers while I was there. 

We watched the short movie, and I had to break the news that indeed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer series is still JW's greatest work, although much respect to this work, but nothing can match BtVS.  After we discussed what to get for dinner and ended up heading to In N Out.  It was a very drizzly cold day and even colder evening, and by the time we got back to his house, his roommate and her friend were at the movies, and things were right to get hot and heavy.  Well, not hot, because it was so damn cold.  Guess what this dude did, built a fucking fire.  Because I was cold.  The heater was on, there were blankets, but no, he went to his wood shop, grabbed some scraps and started a fire (it was in his fireplace, just in case that is not obvious). 

I asked him more questions about polyamory, and if he sees himself practicing that for like forever, and he said at this time, yeah, but he is looking for his primary partner, essentially "the one", living together, marriage, all that.  Also, that if we make it to date 4-5, essentially our next date, that I will have to talk to his girlfriend that lives in Austin, I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I don't feel much about it at the moment.  I don't know, I never thought much about polyamory for myself.  I asked as many questions as I thought of at the time, and he has answered them, and encourages me to ask, but he will only really get involved if I am polyamorous or at least open to ethical non monogamy, but would prefer I have another partner, because apparently if only one person has another partner it gets weird or something.  I don't know. 

I am going to talk to him about the next part I'm about to say, but it almost feels like pressure that I have to agree to this to continue (that isn't the case at the moment, we are still getting to know each other), but right now, I only want to get to know him.  So, I'm curious if he still wants to take time to get to know me while I think about the polyamory stuff, because it certainly seems that way*. Yeah, I'm still on dating apps and responding to messages, but right now I only want to get to know Robin.  He checks off all my boxes, except one. 

He isn't projecting any signs of damage or baggage. 

This is a good thing right?  Well, yes, of course.  But because I have my own issues and need to "fix things", I am thinking myself out of liking him.  How annoying right?  Don't worry, I'm annoying myself, and guess what?  Already learned this lesson with the Firefighter.  So, not breaking up with him, not playing any stupid games, not doing any of that shit.  What I did instead was literally just called my therapist to make an appointment this week to try and unpack why I am doing what I'm doing, because I DO NOT feel that way when I am with him, and I did not feel that way during our first date, or after.  I am literally just trying to find ways to sabotage this for my own fucked up needs or feelings of inadequacy. 

Anyway, it was almost midnight and I mentioned that I should go, he asked if I would like to stay over, my choice.  It was rainy and close to freezing, and he started saying that he "bets the roads are icy right now, might be safer to stay" right.  I decided to stay anyway, knowing that Miles would not see my car in the garage when he left for work around 630AM, and I'm sure would have some super feels about that.  Oh well.  He was fine all day Saturday until I told him that I won't be around for dinner, then started sulking like a petulant child the rest of the time I was there.  Not my problem. 

I brought my stuff into his room, and this man asks if my phone is charged, it was at like 70% so I said it's fine, instead of accepting that, he asks what kind of phone I had and gave me a charger for it.  Showed me how to work the fan, if I wanted it on, he had a freaking salt lamp and essential oil diffuser.  I was like WTF, where did you come from?  Maybe his girlfriend gave them to him, I don't know, but I don't even have a salt lamp (although I really want one). 

He is so affectionate and excited to be around me, he doesn't try to hide it, and I feel like my stress evaporates when I'm with him... and I feel safe, which is so rare for me.  I feel desired from him without any pressure of changing myself to fit into something I'm not (not talking about polyamory here).  It's like the Bridget Jones moment, he likes me just the way I am.  And in my head, I believe or feel-maybe they are interchangeable-that I don't deserve this.  That I should continue to engage in relationships with man-children that are withholding and stuck in some Peter Pan like state. 

Honestly, it's a real shit feeling to have, because I deserve to be happy, just like anyone else.  I deserve to have a good person/partner in my life.  This is a perfect time to start back with therapy.



*it seems that way because he slipped up while he was greeting me and said something about me having "other boyfriends" and I said "I would have to already have a boyfriend to have any other boyfriends, and I don't have either at the moment" and he was like "oh hahahaha.."