That is not to say that I have some kind of secret pussy power or whatever. Lol, hope that got any readers a good laugh.
I just forget myself, my needs.
My therapist talks a lot about working on inner child work, and really, it's like how???? I don't get it. Like I get it, but it's certainly a practice. If I'm going to list off the trauma I have, the tippy top one is abandonment. That seems obvious if you've ever read my blog.
Since starting to address these issues in therapy, I've tried to identify what I'm feeling, then figure out why, then how to self soothe. This is the part that can get uncomfortable. How do I self soothe??? Sometimes I will just speak out loud to myself what I want to hear from someone I was dating, I did this a few times after RH. I didn't have to do this with Miles because what did he offer me? Nothing.
ANYWAYS.
I forwarded this new guy a photo that my friend sent me that really made me laugh out loud. After a few hours he wrote back and asked how I was. I responded and haven't heard back. This isn't what I want. I get it, you're busy. It seems that you are too busy to start dating someone, and we are in different places. I 100% see him cranking out messages to me when he starts his work week tomorrow, and I'm just not interested in being someone who gets your time and attention when you are bored.
This isn't to say I am unreasonable. There is a way to be unavailable/busy and still keep me satisfied, and that's simply to message or call me and tell me that you won't be able to text or whatever. One of my major, non-negotiable needs is to be a priority (which is also why I'm not interested in dating men with young children, among other reasons). I've worked hard to be a priority to MYSELF (still have to check myself on this), why am I accepting anything less from someone I would date?
Here's the thing, we haven't met yet. We text, and have FaceTimed, but I'm judging myself like wow, you're getting too involved/dramatic for someone you haven't met yet... and yet the red flags are already showing up. We've been talking for almost 3 weeks now, and all the sudden I'm getting breadcrumbed/the fade away. Get the whole fuck outta here. When it's this easy to placate or interact with someone, why not do it?
Because you don't want to, you're not interested, and I'm not interested in hearing whatever excuse you come up with.
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2 comments:
I love the label "Dating sucks man". I think you are right in your analysis. If he was interested he would be making more of an effort. Perhaps the quarantine has him messed up. It is doing it to me. I still think those dating apps are a terrible way to meet people but when you are in a pandemic what choice do you have.
Ugh. I don't get men at all. Effort on their part is so damn sexy and I always find myself being the one putting effort in and get nothing back. I guess that's my problem too... try too hard and end up feeling used and unimportant. I feel your pain and I'm sorry that you've gotta deal with a half-assed man child.
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