An Investment

I got an early morning text from Chris the following day that I left my sun shield in his driveway. It was probably full of scorpions. I don't know why I think that, but I do. I guess my car door pockets are not as deep as the Prius's were. Now I'm annoyed that I need to buy a new sun shade. Texas essentials. 

I knew he had a lot to do, so we just exchanged a few messages and I left him be and I tried to get on with my work. Eventually he messaged me he was at the airport and waiting near his gate. We chatted until he had to fly, I went about my day to the gym and ran errands. 

And this is how it went until the end of the week. Due to a flight delay he missed a connecting flight, I could tell he was frustrated and tired, I was anxious. He got a bit snippy with me, and I was sassy with him and it just wasn't the time to do that. This is my issue, he says he feels "responsible for me", but can't soothe me.. because you don't know me. But you know what an anxious person needs, because he was able to assure me when he was here. I am annoyed.

I had also told my friends about what was going on. They knew he contacted me on that Friday, but that I had changed my mind about seeing him and had blocked him. I did not tell anyone that I unblocked him and then contacted him, that we had sex, twice, and I was now his "girlfriend". And yes, I will continue to put that in quotes because I think it's absurd! This isn't middle school! This isn't recess! You don't just say, "do you want to be my girlfriend", I tried explaining this, but he wasn't having it, and insisted that he is a relationship guy. Okay, but I don't feel that this term really means anything to you is my problem, but whatever. 

On Thursday he made it to his base and slept for most of his day, and was awake during my day. What I liked about talking BEFORE is that he adjusted his schedule to better suit me, so we would talk in the morning when I started work, and then the later evenings when he was starting work. It gave me most of my day during meetings and me going to the gym when he was sleeping and vise versa. He is working on doing that now.

We were able to have better communication on this day, I asked him about some mounting tape that he used on his dash cam that I had admired in his truck. I hadn't set my dash cam up yet in the Mazda, and needed to buy the mounting tape.

C: "no, it all comes in the set that I linked, you don't need to buy the mounting tape"
Moi: "I'm just going to use my old dash cam, it works fine, I don't need the latest and greatest"
C: "I owe you a birthday present, I'll get it for you"
Moi: "you don't owe me anything, but I won't object to you spoiling me"
C: "it will be delivered today by 10pm"

No, I will not object to that. Here is when my favor turned. This is what I wanted to see BEFORE, investing in me. He can't take me on dates, we were only communicating via WhatApp text, calls, and video calls, but I always felt like I could have been anyone. He didn't spend money on me before. Now he is sending me a $200+ dash cam, extra Prime delivery? Say less. And look, what's a dash cam when he got fucked two nights in a row, I'm the cheapest prostitute ever I guess. 

I'm not being serious about that, but it's an easy line of thinking. We are dating, or in a relationship, I don't wait to have sex before marriage, and I wasn't expecting anything either. This gesture made me feel more confident in his intentions, although I know he makes a lot of money working out there, so maybe it was literally chump change to him. However, considering he is so object to sending me flowers, I am not certain about that. 

Either way, things changed for me, I started to take him more seriously. It wasn't if I was being unkind or anything else, but I needed to change my framework of what he is to me. What is it to have a provider boyfriend, one that knows and tells you he is willing to provide for you? I have no idea, I am my own provider. Honestly, I am everything I want in a partner: provider, protector, problem solver. A man has to also be those things, but also enhance my life, not add turmoil or stress. We'll see.