My ruminations were about the military guy, Chris, and if I wanted to meet him. Am I missing out on something here? I know it would be messy and somewhat toxic, but should I just do it for the plot then? I know he is a isolated guy, and here I am feeling empathy for him. Here's a tip, never date or get involved with someone you feel bad for. As a very empathetic person, this is hard for me as I can relate to others situations, especially if they've had a hard life and I go out of my way to treat them kindly. I need to stop doing that. I was sad on Sunday, feeling like I was missing out on something.
After debating, I reached out to him on Monday, explaining why I canceled, that I wanted to meet him, and that I also blocked him for about an hour and don't know if he responded. He replied stating that everything I said was right, and because of that he didn't respond to the message I sent, just accepted what I said. We planned a late lunch the next day, as he was working on a fence on his property until late that evening, like 9pm, I agreed, as I do not go out that late. He was also leaving to go back to Kuwait on Wednesday...
"I thought you said you'd only been back for like a week and change?"
C: "No, I had been back for two weeks and some change by the time I contacted you"
Moi: "Oh, why didn't you contact me sooner then?"
C: "I thought about it, but when I went to WhatsApp, you were no longer there"
Moi: "Well, yeah, I deleted it after THE END, you were the only person I spoke to on there"
C: "I understand"
He ended up finishing around 6pm, and asked if I could get dinner, I just got out of the shower, so I agreed (dumb). He said just casual, since it's kind of last minute. We went to Pasha and talked, it was a really good conversation, we ironed out some misunderstandings and lack of communication we were having about "BEFORE". I stated that his abrupt ending was surprising, as he seemed more communicative than that. He told me he would like to be "with me" again, in a relationship, monogamously--no roster. Bro, what. I'm literally just meeting you, but this is also what he wanted from me when we were talking in August. He was leaving on Wednesday, and he is contracted to be over there for 6 month periods. Soooo I'm just here, in a relationship, for 6 months solo?
I've wanted to be be off the apps for a while now, and I still have the older and younger guy, and then I would have Chris. I'm sorry, this is a talking stage, not a relationship. I would give him that, but I'm not agreeing to monogamy. How about I remove myself from the apps, but I want to see where things go with the younger guy, and we already have a date for Saturday. I am okay with ending things with the older one since I'm really not interested. I agreed to be "with him".
He paid for dinner and walked me to my *new* car, asking about it. I told him I just upgraded yesterday, he responded that it's nice, and if I had kept the date on Friday, he would have gone to the dealerships with me. Ummm, that's bold. Truthfully, Miles offered the same thing months ago if I needed it, but Chris is just inserting himself immediately, it makes me suspicious.
He asked to kiss me and I agreed. It's been a long time, I think the last person I kissed was Steve...? It escalated, he asked to come home with me, I agreed. He isn't very seductive, I wasn't tricked and I knew what would happen at the start, when I reached back out to him. It's whatever honestly. I feel like we have similar upbringings and I guess because of this, that he can relate to me unlike other people have been able to. At least that's my hope. That's what I see in him. He has the qualities I want as well, but I feel like he can understand me, and that is my mistake.
Men do not understand you in the way you want them to. Maybe they do, but it's not going to result in the acceptance and kindness you want from them. MOST of the time, that information will be used to manipulate and use you.
The sex was good, but not great. I mean, it was successful for me, and he said he enjoyed himself even if he didn't finish. I just don't connect well with men unless I have a strong emotional relationship, but it was still good. He also knew I had the hysterectomy, as he asked about it when he initially reached out, so he was good about taking things slow. This is the first time I've attempted anything penetrative since the surgery. I wanted to wait until 12 weeks out anyway, even though I was cleared at 6 weeks.. There was a point where it felt like he was hitting my cervix, which I no longer have, but I liked that he was very in tune with my physical responses and checking in to make sure I wasn't in pain.
He stayed the night, we talked for a bit, I had to work the next day. We discussed what to do tomorrow, I told him I would like to see his house, he seemed to like that. I know that if a relationship progresses with him, he will want me to move to his house in the country. He brought it up last time we spoke. I would like to see this property, I mean, he is seeing my house. We are supposed to be together or whatever anyway.
I asked for some cuddling in the morning before I got ready for work, and it was just nice to be held. I am too touch starved. He left and I logged in. I took the afternoon off, so I would be leaving at noon to get ready and drive to his property, which is about an hour away.
During the workday, I got a text from the younger guy saying that he doesn't want to leave anything unsaid, and that he feels we are mutually not interested in each other (not true), and wanted to say that he had a good time, but doesn't want to continue dating. I responded telling him thanks for letting me know, and that I felt him pulling back recently, so I gave him space. I thanked him for a nice date and wished him luck in the future. He didn't respond, I unmatched him on the app, and deleted his text thread. Welp.
I hadn't heard from the older guy I was dating, so I had written him off already. I was roster-less. I guess then it was just me and Chris at this point. I was sad about the younger guy though, I actually liked him a lot, he was really cool and very easy to talk to. Plus he wasn't afraid to roast me, and I really enjoyed that bravado. I was actually a little sad, it didn't help that I was overly tired, and had some emotions rolling around from sleeping with Chris either.
But, the show must go on. I got ready and packed up a tote to go to Chris's house. I figured I might stay the night, but wasn't banking on anything. I had to work the next day and he had to be at the airport by noon. He called me as I was leaving and told me how to avoid non paved roads, as Apple maps did not provide this option, and that my GPS would adjust once I got to a certain point. Once I was out of the city, the drive out was peaceful.
There is something about the Texas countryside. I don't like Texas all that much for scenery, it is not a beautiful state like California or Utah, but it's a lot of sky and I guess it's not so bad.
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