The Great Escape Pt 2

I followed him to his hotel, after about 5 minutes of driving I thought, I should turn around. I can call him and say I know we will have sex and I can't. I know how I am. I already know what will happen. I'm not dumb and neither is he. Adam has been the perfect quintessential gentleman. Opening doors, planning these dates, paying for everything, walking on the outside of the street (which he mentioned to me that I kept sabotaging and he had to keep moving around me), keeping his hands to himself (which I found frustrating, he didn't try to hold my hand outside of when he was driving, it was annoying). I want him. Badly. I want him in my life, I want to date him, I want him to be mine. 

And doesn't he want me? Can this be fake? Is this a mask? It's a good mask if it is. The best probably. All the quips, banter, laughs, everything. It's a lot to be fake. 

But would I be okay if I have sex with him tonight and I never hear from him again?

I'm not sure, but gotsta see it through my boy. 

We get to his hotel and up to his room. I take off my shoes and make up the bed a bit, as he did not have room service in there. He asked if it was okay he change into shorts and I said sure. I sit cross legged on the bed, and he half leans/lays and asks if I want to turn on the tv and I say sure. The Office is playing the background and I cuddle into him and he pets my hair and caresses my shoulders and back. We start kissing, heavily, it's nice.

His hands never leave my body, they are soft and sure, gently caressing in some places, firm rubs in others, like on my hips. Does he have a manual for my body? I am very particular about how I am touched, and everything he is doing is absolutely perfect. It's all above board, no intimate areas, he avoids getting too close to my breasts. And then I can't stand it and pull up my shirt. I'm wearing my favorite hot coral longline bra that makes my tits look amazing. I personally think it's sexy, but I'm a more modest kind of sexy gal. 

Adam stares and says "Oh. I, uh, you dress so modestly, I had no idea your body was like this, and your breasts are so... your so beautiful"

He still avoids my breasts, and starts touching my stomach. I'm wearing high waisted pants, so there is not much skin from the longline bra to top of pants, but he finds some space and kisses me over and over, telling me how nice my skin is and that I am so soft and perfect. He is hard and I am intrigued because lets be for real, the last guy I had sex with was the professor, and he was LACKING in the dick department. Adam is not. 

Eventually the bra comes off and Adam just looks me over, muttering that I am beautiful and kissing me repeatedly. My thoughts are racing. The Professor. The Professor was the last man I had sex with, like what, 3 years ago, and it was terrible sex. This is already better than that. I know I told him I don't have sex outside of a relationship, so would me succumbing to this make him think I am a liar? Does it matter? Should I just say who cares and see how this goes? I mean, you felt his dick, don't you want that thing, Jesus yes I want it. 

He is looking at me, his hands at the top of my pants and he must be able to mind read because he asks if he can take my pants off and I say yes. I've decided. My underwear stays on, and he kisses my legs and knees, inner thighs. I can tell he is sexually submissive and I lean into this. I pull his hair so he is looking at me and ask "what are you into besides pleasing me?" and his pupils dilate more and he tells me. It's all perfect. He takes off my last bit of clothing. He wraps his arms around my thighs and yanks me to the edge of the bed. What the entire fuck, even with my weight loss, I'm still a bigger woman, I'm very tall and still considered plus sized. I've never been man handled like this and holy fuck am I into it. Is this a Wisconsin thing because I will move straight away.

Gentle readers, I think this was the best sex of my life. I never am comfortable with having oral sex performed on me the first time and I usually won't enjoy that or sex in general until I really know the person, but there was no choice here. Adam knows what the fuck he is doing and he fucked the shit out of me. 

When we finished he held me and lightly stroked my body. Eventually he got up to get water from his truck, and when he came back I was in my t-shirt and underwear and had fixed the bed. He told me he sleeps nude and asked if that was an issue, I said no, then asked if I should go.

"What, no, please don't go. Stay. We can have breakfast tomorrow, if that's good with you"
Moi: "yes, as long as it's early, I have to be somewhere tomorrow"
"I have a rule of no alarms on Saturday's, but I'll get up whenever you wake me"

We cuddled, kissed a bit and just talked. He complimented by body and told me how much he loves it, how soft I am, and that I'm "feminine as fuck" which I asked what that means, and he just said I'm curvy and have a women's body. At one point he kissed my forehead and I said "oh your perfect" and he asked why, I told him that I was a basic girl, I love forehead kisses and this was really good, and that he is not mine. 

"It's not always just wonderful... I'm not always wonderful"
Moi: "of course, nothing is. We have only gone on two dates, but I feel there is some kind of connection here, and you don't live here, and yeah, I guess it can't really be anything"
"yeah, I agree, and our dates have been really fun, and I've had a lot of fun with you"

cool cool cool. I'm an idiot. An idiot that got fucked well, but an idiot and well, hopeless romantic, and also someone who needed to erase the last sex I had. 

I probably fell asleep for 20 or so minutes, and he started to touch me again and we fooled around some more. After a bit of a warm up, he is kneeling adjacent to me and asks

"can I start without a condom?"

Excuse me? I literally was just honest with you that I liked you, and you say "I've had fun with you" and then you ask to "start" without a condom, as if you would be able to stop? Are you dumb? Do you know this is Texas??? Where abortion has been outlawed??? Where I can literally go to jail if I have an abortion and the government finds out?????????? HELLOOOOOOOO that is literally endangering my life. Not to mention irresponsible. Yes, I crossed my boundary of not having sex outside exclusivity, so he must think I'm just some fucking lying slag that does this all the time, but that does not mean you can hit it raw. What the entire fuck. 

Moi: "what do you mean, start without a condom" and made a face
"oh, that's a no, sorry, I'll get a condom"

Yeah dude, it's a fucking no. ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL??? Like, disregard pregnancy, but how about diseases?? Like, you don't even care about that? What the fuck. 

*Note I wasn't this mad at the time, because I seriously didn't think he actually meant putting his unprotected dick inside of me, that could not be true, the synapses were not firing for me because he made a firm stance on not wanting someone to abort his fetus, and also his friend told him not to be stupid, so my ears could not be right. However, as I'm journaling this, I am like, what the hell.* 

Anyway, the second time was really good, maybe even better. Post sex we are cuddling and I felt bad about the abortion comment I made previously (last post) as he told me that he was adopted at birth.

Moi: "Hey, I'm sorry about the abortion comment earlier, I didn't mean to offend you at all"
"Oh, it's fine, you didn't. I understand."
Moi: "well, I'm just used to handling things on my own, if I have a problem, it's up to me to fix"
"Well, yeah, you're a sigma, like me"
Moi: "what is a sigma?"
"like a lone wolf, independent. You are used to not relying on others, you do things yourself and move forward alone"
Moi: "it's not because I want to be"

He squeezes me harder to himself and says "I know". 

Upon reflection, this made me upset. I get that it wasn't an intentionally mean thing to say, but do you think I like being alone, without a partner or someone who has my back??? That's nothing to be proud of, I don't want to be alone. Do you know that animals that are in a pack structure (like for real, not the fake alpha/beta bullshit) generally get exiled and they end up dead? In old tribe systems people get exiled for breaking their created laws, and are on their own and they die alone (not like Donnie Darko alone either). They cannot survive without the family/community structure. WE ARE SOCIAL CREATURES THAT NEED COMMUNITY. 

Did I just fuck an incel???? Was this even real? Did you even like me??? Or was this all a lie, was this just a mask for him? It's a great mask. Please work in Hollywood if you are this good at lying, because as someone who always questions people and has antennas finely attuned to this type of shit, I do not think it was a lie, it was too much, the actions all lined up, everything did. 

I drifted off to sleep for a bit, and so did he, and of course he is a snorer. I couldn't sleep, it was about 330am, I had another date later in the day. The bed was not my comfy bed. I was worried about my cats fighting, and the snoring, it was too much. I quietly got dressed and woke him sayin I was going to go

"you haven't slept at all have you?"
Moi: "no"
"okay, let me get dressed and I'll see you to your car"

He walks me to my car. I'm feeling a bit nervous, but there is also a weird sense of secureness I have felt with him everytime I'm around him. 

Moi: "Will I hear from you?"
"Yes, you will. Please let me know when you get home, I will stay up until I get a text from you okay?"
Moi: "Okay. Thank you for dinner, the escape room, and an overall great time"
"you're welcome"

We hug and kiss goodbye.

"don't forget to text me when you're home safe"
Moi: "I will, talk to you later" 

I made it home and Miso and Nova were sitting upstairs near my bedroom door, judging me. How dare I be out past nighttime. I took a photo and texted it to Adam, I'm home, my cats are displeased. His response was "I'm glad you're home. Hopefully the cats aren't overly judgmental 😂". I showered and went to bed for a couple hours. 

When I woke, I had to rush to get ready for my date with a guy from Austin. We were going to the gun show in San Marcos, and he asked me to breakfast prior. Before I left my house, I sent a text to Adam. 

Good morning, I hope you have a safe drive back to Houston, and I was serious when I said please don’t be a stranger and shoot me a text or call me sometime. And of course I’d love to see you when you are in or around San Antonio. 

I have unmatched us on tinder as I do not want to know when you are logging in. I think it’s obvious that I’m interested in you, and want to pursue this further, but just not possible for you at the moment. This does not mean I don’t want to keep in contact, as I said previously. If I don’t hear from you again, thank you for some lovely dates and great conversations. The sex was amazing also. 

It seemed like a good text at the time, but I somewhat regret being so honest, but that is me. I haven't mastered being aloof with men that I have a strong connection with, and I'm not sure I ever will. Being with him felt so natural, almost like he was always supposed to be there, he just added to my life so simply, so easily. I haven't heard back from him, and I don't think I will hear from him again, to be quite honest. 

At the end of the day, I do not regret it/him. We had fun dates, great conversation, and amazing sex. It is an ego hit to think that he was faking this, his actions, words and interest in me, and that really hurts. At this point does it matter if he was? Not really.