Seatac

The following week of the Crawfish Festival Steve and I had a phone call, and then he was traveling for work to the Pacific Northwest. I am jealous that his traveling for work has been cool places, Montana and now the PNW. He also travels to Salt Lake City and Vancouver I believe, but also Memphis, which he said is not as cool, but has good food. 

Anyway, we had a pretty long phone call, which included phone sex, which was interesting. I haven't participated in that since Miles and I were long distance, but he does live in Austin, so it's going to be a thing. I mean, he was good at it, and even how awkward it is in general, it didn't feel that way, so no complaints really. When he told me that he is learning what he likes when dating, he means it, dude is taking notes on the things I say that I like. 

We texted while he flew to Seatac and I was getting a bit annoyed that I felt in order to engage him in conversation that I had to talk about sex. I stopped messaging him and then he reached out to me. Okay, what do you want? Are you only capable of having a sexual text exchange with me? I don't understand because our phone conversation was almost 3 hours, and maybe 20 minutes of that was sexual, but now it's all you want to talk about? Okay. 

He messaged me everyday he was there, one morning he told me "I'm learning to love any weather with cool mountains, where I can have a fireplace, wear a hoodie, and snuggle in a reclining bed with you". Okay. The next day he was texting sexually again, I told him that he should try and find a sex club to go to while in Seattle. I already know you were logging into Tinder, go to a sex club, hook up with someone, stop putting it on me already. 

"You've been quite sex forward today, are you in a sexually frustrated mood?"

S: "I was just thinking of being with you again and opening up. So yes, I'm horny for ya"

LOOOOK I want a guy to think about me, but god does the word horny make me as dry as the Sahara.

"And I want you to open up and share things, and I want to share with you, but it seems like that's it thought"

S: "Oh I don't want it to only be sex"

S: "we just broached that topic"

S: "and fantasies"

S: "I passed an ikea on the hwy and though about running errands with you too"

S: "and going plant shopping"

"I'm, just feeling anxious and I can't pinpoint why"

S: "I'm glad you told me. And hopefully I can help if you can pinpoint"

"And I can’t even pinpoint if it’s you I’m feeling anxious about. I never feel this way without being able to track why. And it’s certainly not something I would normally share, so apologies, but idk, figured it would be good/healthy/normal/real to share? "

S: "It is great to share, and I'm glad you did. I hope you can pinpoint the cause. So don't apologize"

"You are such the optimist. I don't have that in me. I think I'm just going to try and finish the lame dinner I made and shower, go to bed early. You should go to Babeland though. I'm being encouraging"

S: "I wish I was there to just hug you. Not sexually, but supportively. I am an optimist"

"And supportive scalp massages?"

S: "Yes, those too! I'm always optimistic and supportive of others. I at times have a hard time doing so for me"

"I want the real Steve, you don’t need to always be optimistic around me. I’m very much a realist, not a pessimist, I just take things how they are'

S: "I tend to beat my self up a lot.   I raise others up but neglect myself in doing same. It’s a bad pattern I learned as a kid I guess. I think that why I love any words of praise. For anything. I know I need to be my own source of happiness"

S: "I try"

"Yeah, I’ve neglected my own needs for a while. And, I noticed, that’s why I tell you I appreciate when you say sweet things to me, or whatever you do. You can’t be everything for everyone, including yourself. You have to let people see you, which is a hard thing to learn, I’m learning it myself lately." 

"I do appreciate you, you know. I would never have opened up about being anxious to anyone but my girlfriends, but you’ve just had this aura about you when we’re together, and I felt like it would be okay to just say it, even being apart and over text. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal to share, but it feels like it to me."

S: "That means a lot to me.  You saying that"

We texted a bit the next day, as he had a few last meetings and then was heading home. We exchanged messages while he was in the air and then he texted me when he landed. 

S: "landed safely"

"wish it was in SA, but I guess I'll be patient. Overrated"

S: "haha hopefully you mean patience is overrated and not me"

"patience it overrated"

S: "That made me smile in so many ways"

Then, and impromptu phone call from him while he was on his drive home from the airport. He told me about his trip and we were corny about missing each other, and maybe I told him how much I want him (which of course he reciprocated). Listen, I don't have an excuse, but I was ovulating and I have become a feral monster during that time recently. I don't know if it's my age and getting closer to menopause, or because I am always working out so my body is just like "fuck yeah we are healthy and ready to get dicked down anytime and all the time", but these hormones need to chill the fuck out. I mean, Steve did jokingly say he could be there in maybe 3 hours due to traffic. But we had plans to see each other the following weekend. 

I am wondering why he said "haha hopefully you mean patience is overrated and not me" though. I haven't given any indication of that, or maybe he was nervous because I told him I was anxious. Very curious. Things are getting closer between us and honestly, I really like him. Yes, he is corny, but I like it. He pursues me, he is a provider, I feel so safe with him. I don't know what it is, it really is just his aura like I said. Whatever we are slow cooking, I'm into it. 

Although, I'm not off the market and do have a date tomorrow evening. 

::shrug::